Monday, June 24, 2013

Cheetah Cheetah Peter Eater

Petie was speedy.
But the cheetah was fleeter.
Petie looked meaty
to the meat-seeking cheeter.

The cheetie got greedy and chased after Peter.

Petie got petered
just teetering ten meters.
Peter's poor feetie
were feverish bleaters.

Peter asked Rita, "Could I use your two-seater?"

Rita saw Cheetah
one meter behind Peter.
And sweetly gave Peter
her street-worthy two-seater.

The cheetah stopped neatly and leered long at Rita.

Ritly smiled sweetly
at the Pete-starved cheetah.
And gave the beat cheetly
two neat veggie pitas.

The cheetah thanked Rita and ate her for dinner.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

A Lesson in Probe-ability ... or It's Possible You've Already Been Abducted.

According to The Roper Poll: UFOs & Extraterrestrial Life, Americans' Beliefs and Personal Experiences, published a lifetime ago in 1991, as many as 3.7 million Americans may have been abducted by aliens (the kind who cross ozone layers, not borders).

Imagine. Nearly four million of us have been taken, beamed up, tossed in UFO trunks, prodded, poked, radio-tagged, and released back into the wild. And although that’s just a shade over 1 percent of the population, that’s a lot of folks tripping the light years fantastic.

Think of it. If you’re a typical American family, you have 2.3 children, 1.7 parents, 1.7 mother and father-in laws, 0.5 step parents, 2.6 brothers and sisters and their in-law counterparts, 5.9 nieces and nephews, 8.4 grandparents and grand-in-laws, 10.9 aunts and uncles, 1.0 Uncle Miltie, 1.0 Uncle Sam, 1.0 Aunt Jemima, and 62 hangers-on. Statistically speaking, one of them has already been abducted by aliens. (More if you’re from West Virginia.)

Several people from your office, your school, and your town have had close encounters.  If statistics hold true, then it’s safe to say one U.S. Senator and a handful of Congressmen have filibustered in oxygen-enriched holding tanks in the sky. … It shouldn’t be hard to figure out which ones, either. Search the congressional records for anal probe legislation. Those for it have probably been abducted. Those against are Republicans.

You’d need two hands to count how many Major League Baseball players have been bagged and strapped on the hood of a UFO. 
These aren't the steroids you're looking for. 
Put in these terms it’s easy to see why we all need to address the alien abduction issue … why we need to prepare ourselves for abduction.  How should we act?  What should we say?  What should we wear?  Can we bring anything—maybe a nice mustard-potato salad?

It’s important to note that, if four million Americans (and as many as 50 million humans worldwide) have been abducted by now, a good 150 million more have been considered for abduction and summarily rejected. What are we—chopped liver?

Unfortunately, to the aliens who are most likely to visit Earth, we probably are.